The Top 10 Mistakes Husbands Make With Their Wives
Peter, one of Jesus’ closest friends, was a married man. Peter, through his writings, thought about how he could continually strengthen his marriage. In I Peter 3:7, he gives us insight into the kind of men we need to be to have a winning marriage. This is what he said: “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” Through this verse we notice the Top 10 Mistakes Husbands Make With Their Wives:
Mistake Number 1: Not Enough Affection, Period; Instead of Affection, Comma
The word “understanding” in verse 7 has the idea of being tender with your wife. She needs your affection, period. The word has the idea of practicing this as a way of life. You seek to have a practical knowledge of your wife. You understand her needs, her moods, what pleases her and what doesn’t please her. This affection is not motivated by wanting to have sex, but a genuine display of physical love without the sexual act. This could be a tender hug, a loving touch, a gentle look, a wink, a smile, holding hands, sitting close together, writing her a love note, sending her flowers, a call or text just to tell her you are thinking about her and love her.
Mistake Number 2: Trying To “Fix It”
The word "understanding “ in verse 7 means knowing what your wife needs, doing what she likes and not doing what she doesn’t like. Your wife does not need for you to fix things, but to listen, to seek to understand her and show her how much you care for her. Husbands make a great mistake when their wives are upset and they want to fix the way their wives feel, through something they say or do. But, that’s not what your wife wants or needs. She needs for you to appreciate what she is going through and to affirm her by simply seeking to lovingly listen and be there for her.
Mistake Number 3: Not Being The Spiritual Leader
Peter is telling husbands they are to provide consistent, loving spiritual leadership that is the result of bing controlled by the Holy Spirit. Husband, you can’t lead your wife until you let the Holy Spirit lead you. Men, your relationship with God is affected by the way you treat your wife. Peter says that we should show understanding to our wives or risk our prayers not being heard by God. In fact Peter says a husband’s prayers are hindered, or obstructed when he is not fulfilling God’s role as a husband. A restored prayer life may be as close as seeking your wife’s forgiveness.
Mistake Number 4: Neglecting To Focus On Or Pay Attention To Your Wife
The word “understanding” in verse 7 further has the idea of thoughtfulness and being considerate. Your wife deserves your full attention. Look at her in her eyes. Put down your cell phone. Put down the remote. Practice focusing and paying attention to her the way you did when you were dating. Nobody is more important than your wife (other than Jesus Christ), therefore, show her through your eyes and body language that she is your most important person.
5. Mistake Number 5: Selfishness
Notice the word “honor” in verse 7, a key word in this verse. Honor means to show respect for, to show courtesy to, and defer to. In other words, her needs come before your needs. You think about her before you think about yourself. Men the idea is to serve your wife, not seek to be served by her. You are motivated by the needs and desires of your wife.
6. Mistake Number 6: Insensitivity
Your wife needs to be “handled with care.” Notice the phrase “weaker vessel” in verse 7. Now, let me immediately underscore that it does not mean weaker morally, spiritually, intellectually or emotionally. Peter tells us that the wife is a “fellow heir of the grace of life.” Her standing with God is equal to her Christian husband, in fact, in many ways the wife has a greater sensitivity to God and the things of God. The “weaker vessel” refers to physical. As a rule, women’s are not as strong physically. You must be concerned about the demands upon your wife. Originally meaning a jar or dish, the word vessel has the idea of something that is valuable, yet fragile. Handle with care. Be sensitive to the needs of your wife.
Mistake Number 7: Not Helping More With The Children
Notice the words “understanding” and “honor” in verse 7.When you help with the children, you are showing that you are thinking of your wife. Yes, you love your children, but you are helping your wife. She needs for you to take the initiative to help with the children and to be mindful of her need for personal time away from the children, even if it’s just for an hour or more.
Mistake Number 8: Not Communicating
Honor means being courteous and showing respect. Part of that courtesy and respect is shown when you communicate with her and share your feelings with her. Express your heart to your wife. Let her know what you are thinking, she can’t read your mind. Also, guys, restrain from withdrawing when you get upset. Talk things through. Your wife needs to know you are available to her at all times and that you refuse to allow anything to keep you from communicating with your wife.
Mistake Number 9: Failing To Make Her Feel Secure Financially
I am not suggesting you have to make a lot of money. Your wife, however, needs to know that you are doing your best to provide for the needs of your family. Not only does the husband need to encourage his wife financially and lead by example, he needs to discipline their money through a budget that includes giving to God. Make the issues of life insurance, savings and retirement important to you. Knowing you are planning for the future will bring a sense of security to her.
Mistake Number 10: Taking Your Wife For Granted
Look at the word “honor” again in verse 7. Your wife needs to be and feel appreciated by you and never taken for granted. Don’t assume your wife knows how much you love her, value and appreciate her. Communicate that through words, attitudes and actions. When you let your wife know, “I don’t know what I would do without you” or “I don’t know how you do all you do,” she will be happy that you noticed and do not take her for granted.
Husbands, God has given you the keys to a long and happy marriage as you practice I Peter 3:7. Begin today by eliminating and apologizing for any of these mistakes you have made.
By Pastor Jay Dennis
Co-Founder Wingman Mens Ministry